Have you ever noticed something strange?

Before marriage, we do almost anything to win someone’s heart.

We stay up late talking.

We dress our best.

We choose our words carefully.

We plan dates.

We apologize quickly.

We make time.

Then something changes.

The wedding comes.

The honeymoon ends.

Life settles in.

And somewhere along the journey, many couples stop pursuing the very person they worked so hard to marry.

I often wonder why.

Why do we believe that because someone said “I do,” they no longer need to feel pursued?

The irony is that we continue pursuing promotions at work, new clients, better opportunities, healthier bodies, and bigger dreams. Yet the one relationship God designed to last a lifetime is often the one we invest in the least.

Love should never become lazy simply because it has become familiar.

The Bible gives husbands an almost impossible standard.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)

Think about Christ’s love for a moment.

Did Jesus stop pursuing His Church after she belonged to Him?

No.

He still pursues.

He still forgives.

He still calls.

He still restores.

He still intercedes.

His love did not end with commitment. Commitment became the reason His pursuit continued.

Perhaps marriage should look the same.

One of the greatest lies couples believe is that romance belongs to dating while responsibility belongs to marriage.

God never separated the two.

The husband who still opens the car door.

The wife who still sends an encouraging message in the middle of the day.

The unexpected hug.

The evening walk.

The handwritten note.

The prayer before bed.

None of these are grand gestures.

They simply communicate one beautiful message:

“I am still choosing you.”

Song of Solomon paints a picture of a husband and wife who delight in one another. They notice each other. They admire each other. They speak life into one another.

Marriage was never meant to become a business partnership where two people simply manage bills, children, and responsibilities.

It was meant to remain a love story.

Yes, children need attention.

Careers demand time.

Life becomes busy.

But if everything else receives the best of us while our spouse receives what is left over, we should not be surprised when distance quietly replaces intimacy.

One of the saddest things that can happen in marriage is not infidelity.

It is indifference.

Not because someone stopped loving.

But because someone stopped showing it.

Revelation contains an interesting warning to the church in Ephesus.

Jesus says,

“You have forsaken the love you had at first.” (Revelation 2:4)

Although He is speaking to the church, the principle is worth reflecting on.

Is it possible for marriages to lose their first love, not because affection disappeared, but because intentionality did?

Think back to when you first met.

What did you do that you no longer do?

What conversations have disappeared?

When did compliments become instructions?

When did laughter become schedules?

When did “I can’t wait to see you” become “Did you pay the electricity bill?”

Responsibilities are real.

But they should never replace romance.

Your spouse should never have to compete with your phone for your attention.

Or your work.

Or your hobbies.

Or everyone else.

One of the greatest compliments your husband or wife can receive is not expensive jewelry or an elaborate vacation.

It is knowing that after all these years…

You would still choose them.

Every single day.

Perhaps that is why Genesis says,

“A man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

Notice the word be united.

It is not a moment.

It is a lifelong pursuit.

A daily choice.

A continual drawing near.

Marriage is not sustained by remembering why you fell in love.

It is sustained by continuing to give each other reasons to remain in love.

So let me leave you with one question.

If your spouse met you today for the very first time…

Would they still fall in love with the way you treat them?